The Only Way Out
by mariontyler
Summary: What if Pete never came back for Rose? How different would the Doctor's reaction be? Doomsday AU


**Okey Dokey! Here we go! Another sad angsty piece for ya! After you read this you may want to read something happy and fluffy, so I wrote one specifically for you guys. I'll publish it right after this one. I'm gonna go hide in my hermit cave now.**

"Offline."

The word sucked the life out of him faster than the Void was sucking the Daleks and Cybermen in. He watched in complete helplessness as Rose attempted to grab the lever while still holding on.

"Hold on!" He shouted, as if she needed any reminding, of course.

She reached for the lever and almost had it when she let go of the magnaclamp and wrapped both hands around the lever.

No. No, she can't do that. The magnaclamp was the only way that she could hold on for sure.

"I've gotta get it upright!" She shouted above the roar of the Void. She moved in front of the lever to push it, since pulling was doing nothing for her.

She groaned as she forced the lever upward. He saw her look over at him for a moment and in her eyes, he saw all the fear and terror. He stared back with just as much.

And then she was back to it. Rose pushed the lever until it stopped and a computerized voice said, "Online and locked."

The Daleks and Cybermen whizzed in even faster than before. Which also meant that the pull on Rose would be stronger and without the magnaclamp, he didn't know if she could do it.

"Hold on!" He shouted again and Rose's legs began moving upwards into the air as the force became too strong for her to hold them down. She was groaning with the effort to not let go. Rose gripped the lever with both hands. "Hold on!"

She looked over at him with pleading in her eyes and all he wanted to do, all he ever wanted to do, was to run to her and hold her in his arms, telling her she was safe, that everything would be alright. He reached out to her with one arm while keeping the other hooked onto the magnaclamp.

Rose only had three fingers holding on. He looked at her, begging her to hold on, to never let go, to never leave him. Just like she promised. All of a sudden, she was falling towards the Void, screaming all the way.

"ROSE!" He felt his throat burning with the intensity of his own scream. This was it. This was the storm he had seen. She was getting ripped from him. No. No, it was worse than that. She was going to die. Rose was going to die. "NO!"

Her scream tore through his hearts, but there was nothing he could do. She was lost. He couldn't save her. She got closer and closer. And then…

Then she was gone.

The Doctor looked on as the hole crumpled up like a wrapper and closed in on itself. He felt his body go limp as he just stared at the spot where she had disappeared into. Rose was gone. She was lost in a world of nothingness, swallowed in for eternity. She was dead.

Slowly, he stood from where he was and trudged over to stand in front of the wall. He stared blankly at it. She was dead. Rose was dead. Not gone. Not lost. Just dead. No longer living.

Twice the Daleks had tried to take her from him. At the Game Station, he had sent her home to be with her family, to be safe, but this time…this time she wasn't coming back. Rose couldn't come back to save him because there was no more Rose. Rose was dead.

And that's when he lost it. He reached a hand out to the wall and leaned his body against it, as if he were waiting for a sound or a sign to tell him that what he'd just seen was incorrect. Maybe it was like what happened at the bunker in Utah. He thought she was killed, but he'd been wrong. This had to be some trick. Rose wasn't dead! How could she be?

But lying to himself did no good. It never did. If anything, it caused him to fall further in depression for remembering all the other ways it could have happened. Which lead to remembering the way that it really did happen. And that was not somewhere he wanted to go.

Tears began to stream down his cheeks as, for once, the Doctor let go of his control over his emotions, the walls he had put up. Just this time, he would let himself show what he was feeling. Even if nobody was there to witness it.

"Why?" The Doctor whispered, but his voice quickly rose to a shout. "Why do you insist on taking everything from me? Couldn't I have kept this one thing? Why?!" He sank to the ground, a mess of tears and sadness. What did he do to deserve this? All that he had ever given to the Universe was protection and care, yet it still did not deem him worthy of a gift, a reward.

"Is this my reward?" He demanded of no one at all. "Is my only option to live a life of loneliness and pain? Why did you take her?!"

There was so much more that he wanted to do. So much more he wanted to say, but he was far too much of a coward to say while she was alive. He wished to tell her how much he enjoyed her, how her presence in his life was like Heaven, how his hearts beat just for her, how much, oh, so much, that he loved her.

But breath was temporary and wishes were futile. There was no chance he was getting her back and no chance he was going to tell her how important she was, how vital. How had his happiness come to rely on a tiny, pink and yellow human? And what was life without happiness? What was life without her?

He wanted to die. No, different than that. He wished he could've gone with her. He could've let go too. They could've died together. But instead, he is living. Why is he living? Why couldn't it have been him? What did she do to deserve death?

Questions flooded his mind as his body settled its wracking caused by tears. Resolutely, he wiped his eyes and stood. He made his way to the TARDIS quick as he could, just barely holding his composure, but not because of his sadness; it was because of his anger. His anger at himself.

This was his fault. He had dragged her into this life that was so dangerous. He had practically pushed her into the Void. He killed her, not the Daleks or Cybermen. The Doctor killed Rose Tyler. And he would never forgive himself.

Today, two people died. A human and a Time Lord. Despite the fact that he was breathing, his hearts were beating, and his body was moving, her death had killed him in a way that a broken body never could.

The Doctor stood by the rail, remote control in hand. Water was pouring off of every surface and fire was blazing despite the wetness. He stared ahead, seemingly passive to the fact that, unless he got out right now, he would die.

He had thrown himself into the midst any trouble available in the hopes that, perhaps, he could be distracted from his pain.

But that wasn't something you could forget, even temporarily. She was dead and every breath he took reminded him constantly that it was another breath that was taken without her.

If she had only left by choice, he had thought, or if she was taken from him in a much less crueler way than death, maybe it would be easier; just knowing that she'sbreathing. Knowing that she's out there and she might come back to him someday would make all the difference.

But how can a person come back from death?

Now there was a question he could answer. Any Time Lord could. The only species in his known universe that can come back to life. And he was the only one left. For him there was only one thing worse than dying…and that was living.

So the Doctor stayed molded to the spot, not daring to move lest that never-ending calling caused him to do what he did best: run.

The water was at his waist by now. He could run, couldn't he? The universe needed him. He had done so much for it. How could it survive without a protector? Who would be the one to save those who couldn't defend themselves?

But even where he was, water up to his neck, all he wanted was to finally be set free. His people were gone, his planet was gone, Rose was gone. What else was there left to take?

The Doctor allowed the water to cover his head, not taking a breath before being completely submerged. He held his respiratory bypass down as the Thames fill his lungs and the drowning process began.

A burning sensation ripped through him as his body begged for air, but he denied it. Just like Rose had said at the Game Station; everything must come to dust, all things. Everything dies.

And now was his turn.

 **A/N: *Peeks out of cave and whispers* I'm sorry! *Goes back in cave, but quickly pokes head back out* Please don't kill me.**


End file.
